They say love shouldn’t be calculative, I agree. Once you start being calculative, love is no longer true. For a lack of better phrase, I’m gonna say: how true.
Days ago, though, I found myself calculating love after reading your blog, it mentioned me (I assume):
What can I do for her in exchange? How can I possibly share her love with her dear mum. I am regarded the same MiMa to her as to you. I just don’t deserve this though I am thankful and full of gratitude.
Ah, for once I don’t agree with you, which is a good thing because mother and child fight all the time, right? :) Maybe having 2 mummies might also mean twice the horror of naggings, but along with that, I was privileged to receive twice as much love as compared to other kids out there.
There are times I’d wanted to yell, “Haze, don’t worry, your family is my family!” but I’ve honestly not done a lot to live up to that statement. So I guess I’ll have to change it to, “Haze, you were like my lil sis, I’ll love whoever you love!” Maybe with the exception of Jay Chou. Yea, even sisters argue and criticise over idol preferences. Of course I’ll remember our banter over the celebs we idolise :)
I can’t remember when exactly had I started to address you, from “Aunt Jean” to “Mi”–the way Haze used to greet you. I can’t live Haze’s life for her and it will never be possible. But I ponder about the things she did when she was around, and carry out tasks on her behalf, as what a sister should do.
Number-crunching is hard, but calculating love is easy for me. In my case, love is not shared nor divided. Because:
1 more sister, love adds up. Mummy x 2, love multiplies.
So I said I’d do a post on my mother’s loots from the market. Some fishes, huh. We’ll see.
Then she realised I was snapping pics of her prepping the fishes. And did this:
You see my problem? Doubt you not where I’d inherited my neurosis from. I think it’s quite apparent even though I don’t look like any of my family members.
Seems like asians are the ones who appreciate fish heads; westerners tend to shun them. Do they look that scary? Or maybe it’s just a matter of getting used to. Oh fish head curry!! The ones at Geylang Golden Bay used to be So. Damned. Good. Not the best anymore, after they changed their kitchen chef–or so I suspect.
That’s not all, by the way.
Do note that there are only 4 of us in the house. I wasn’t kidding about the Pandora Box of Chills. ’Stocking up for war’ is no longer an appropriate description, I reckon. At this moment ‘stocking up for world destruction’ should be more accurate. I’m pretty confident we’d be the last household standing if that day ever comes. Please take a queue number, fill up a form and apply at the nearest counter if you’d like to seek shelter with us when the day arrives. I think the food supply allows us to take in about 200 pax and sustain us quite comfortably for the next 30 years.
Yum btw, I love pomfrets!! It’s a Teochew thing, I think. Actually, I’d pretty much eat any fish you throw my way. I heart fish and seafood. God forbid I develop any sort of allergies to them.
Oh, the pomfrets look kinda strange here because my mum has a habit of trimming away the fins. She finds them irritating, heh.
Of course, she thought it was a good idea to get some flower clams, too.
And we had them for lunch :)
Dear Mum, I know how you (and I) can go overboard with shopping, and we drive each other half-insane every other day. But thank you, Mum. I know it’s just love, expressed differently.
Nope, not from a guy. Sorry to disappoint friends who can’t wait to marry me off. This is from 2 very special ladies–Hazel & Mi.
In many ways, in life, we gain some and lose some. I’d never expected to gain a mother after I lost a lil sister. Maybe it’s kismet, Haze’s mum and I seek comfort in each other; we’d always talk about Haze like she’s never left. I’d play sister and she’d play mother. And we both know to what extent we miss that silly girl.
I’ve always been a giver– an ‘initiated giver’, so to speak. I love giving and gifting, and seeing the recipients’ smiles and happiness emanating from them makes me happy, too. And I guess, that makes me a ‘consequential taker’.
Then again, I think it’s common to hear people claiming that they’d willingly give and be happy to not have anything in return.
This claim, my friends, it’s labeled as the noblest form of unconditional love, and also the greatest hypocritical bullshit I have ever heard.
Trust me, everyone wants something in return. It’s just a matter of what they want. I’d willingly give away my bakes for free, but I do want see people enjoy eating my food. I relish moments when my friends are pleasantly surprised by my gifts.
I know it’s Valentine’s Day and we’re supposed to be romantic blah la la. I’m not supposed to say ‘bullshit’ because it is unladylike and so not-romantic. FYI, I am a romantic at heart, but the above is simply too much of a bullshit for me to accept.
I will stop my cynicism here. Happy Valentine’s day ♥
Well this Valentine’s Day, I’m being made to take a backseat and be at the receiving end :))) Like mother, like daughter, you put in much thoughts when choosing gifts for people. Thank you, Haze & Mi, for gifting me some sun today, I’m really touched and comforted! If this was what you had hoped to take in return, I hope you can feel it! *BEAMS*